Why do I need to be needy?

Why am I always so needy and weak
Why does it take me, so long to speak?

Why am I constantly trailing behind
Right at the back, of a very long line.

Why does my journey, take me so long
Each path I choose, turns out to be wrong.

Why am I always so easily missed
The last one at midnight to receive a kiss.

Why don’t I ever speak as I find
Use all the words stuck in my mind.

Why do I always miss all the fun
Turn up to the party, once it’s all done.

Why do I sometimes, feel very sad
Without prior warning, it can get very bad.

Why do I want you to like me so much
Then turn you away, look but don’t touch.

Why should I care, what you think of me
Out of ten, would you give me a two or a three?.

Why do I always, say sorry first
Swallow my pride, whatever the hurt.

Why not for once, can’t I be the winner
And not wear the sackcloth of the hard done by sinner.

Why can’t I ever, take my turn on the stage
To learn all my lines, would take me an age.

Basically, why can’t I be someone else
Someone who never requires your help.

Why can’t I just be that person today
If I were that person, I’d know what to say.

Can we talk?.

I must get something off of my chest,
An issue that has caused me unrest.

A problem that I cannot solve
A puzzle that I must resolve.

Tangled like a spider in his web
Without a knife to cut the thread.

I feel as if I’ve been deceived
I know that I’ve been wrongly perceived.

I’d like you to place yourself in my shoes
I really have nothing left to lose.

I just want the answer, to one simple question
You have the answers, and I need to get them!.

I feel I deserve some explanation
I feel I have been exceedingly patient.

I’m not going back, to how it once was
When I lay myself down, for everyone to cross.

There’s only so much, one person can take
Only so long, before the heart starts to break.

I’d love to hear your side of the story
Spoken by you, however gory!.

I won’t be offended, or get upset
I can’t let it go, at least not just yet.

I hope that you read this, and guess its for you
I’ve made it quite clear, what I need you to do.

I live in my own world.

I think I live in my own world, a place of my creation
A place that causes me no end, of worry and frustration

At times I wish I lived somewhere, in peace and solitude
A place so distant and remote, that no one dare intrude.

An island nestling in the sea, a mirage on the waves
No one would come to rescue me, I won’t need to be saved.

If not an Island, then perhaps, a castle with a tower.
A castle standing proud and tall, the gardens, strewn with flowers.

If not a castle, how about a bunker underground
A perfect little hideaway, never to be found.

But what about my family, the people I would miss?
How could I abandon them, without even a kiss.

I couldn’t could I?, that’s the truth, I don’t think I’d survive
My family are the reason, that I am still alive.

The seek me out, and bring me back, when I try to escape
They realise when I’ve had, as much as I can take.

They let me spend some time alone, whilst always being near
They never question me on days, when I’m not full of cheer.

They don’t remind me of those times, once they are in the past
They know full well, without a doubt the bad times never last.

On days that I am happy, a day just like today
I wouldn’t dream of leaving, or trying to get away.

I wouldn’t dream of causing them, any further pain
That’s why I always find myself, coming home again.

I wanted you to save me.

I wanted you to save me, but you said no.
I wanted you to hold me tight, but you let me go.

I wanted you to love me, as though I were your queen
I wanted you to tell me, it wasn’t all a dream.

I wanted you to need me, the way I needed you
I wanted you to reassure, my heart that you were true.

I wanted you to tell me, at least once in a while
You loved the way I wore my hair, the colour of my eyes.

I wanted you to be the one, of whom I’d always dreamt
I wanted you to realise how much to me you meant.

You wanted different things, none of the above
I just wanted you to be the one I’d always love.

My daughter sang on stage today!.

My daughter sang on stage today,
What can I tell you, she blew me away!!

For weeks on end, I’ve worried and stressed
My husband’s patience’s been put to the test.

Sometime last year, an email came through
I didn’t delete it, as I would normally do.

I read it with interest, and then I replied
When the response came back , it was a massive surprise!.

My eldest had been chosen to appear on the stage
To sing for ten minutes in the middle of the day.

Poor Isabella I thought to myself
She’s too young for this, I’ve got to get help!

I got onto Google, typed in my search
A singing teacher needed, to help my little girl.

A few days later, my prayers they were answered
A received a strange phone call from someone named Duncan !

Are you in North London?, he asked when we spoke
If you are then I may have the woman who can help!.

On the following Monday, there was a knock at my door,
There stood Melanie, at about six foot four!.

Come in I said, I’m so glad you’re here
No worries said Mel, I could murder a beer!.

From the land of Oz, Via Archway hailed Mel,
I thought she was great, my type of gal!.

Mel soon took my eldest under her wing,
And told me point blank, that my daughter could sing!.

That was all, of three weeks ago,
No time at all, to prepare for a show!.

That’s what I thought, and thank god I was wrong,
Bella took to the stage, and belted out her song!.

With flowers in her hair, a big smile on her face
She owned it on stage, and lit up the place.

She sang like an angel, a nightingale no less,
Everyone told us, she was the best!.

When it was over, the relief was immense,
I could feel myself relax, my muscles untense.

Thank you Isabella for making us so proud,
Daddy and I , are floating on a cloud.

And know that whatever you choose to do in your life,
You’ll always have daddy, mummy and Gina,right there by your side.

A belated thank you.

Five years ago, god how time flies.
You still have the same beautiful eyes.

You still have the same welcoming smile
You still show your love, to every child.

Fate introduced us, when I needed you most
You turned out to be, the most wonderful host.

I knew right away, the first time we met
To care for my baby, you were the best!.

I needed assistance, I just couldn’t cope
You eased all my worries, and gave me back hope.

When my mother got ill, yet again you came through
Getting on with the things, I just couldn’t do.

I think somehow, we were destined to meet
You’re one of a few, that sees the real me.

I hope in your life, you have all you desire
Achieve all the dreams, to which you aspire.

For you I predict a long happy life
You will have lots of children, and be a good wife.

I now finish this verse, I’ve written for you
Hoping my sentiments have clearly come through.

Hoping you know how special you are
One in a million, a true shining star.

it’s still me you know!.

It’s still me you know,
I’m still here, I didn’t go!.

The writing is just a part of me
A place I can say whatever I please.

I’m exactly the same person I was last year
Gained a few pounds, coloured my hair.

I’ve always been good at spinning a yarn
The odd tall tale, never did any harm!.

When we’re speaking face to face
I find it difficult, keeping pace.

I try to concentrate on all that you say
Hoping my focus does not start to stray.

You know how it is with some people you meet
They talk till exhausted, then fall at your feet.

I like to say, what you like to hear
Show that I like you, show that I care.

I would never speak in the way that I write
I wouldn’t want to get into a fight!.

Don’t read too much into my words
At times they make sense, at times they’re absurd!.

My emotions are heightened , whilst I am writing
Sometimes the truth, isn’t quite as exciting!.

Elaborate, exaggerate, call it what you will
All necessary evils with pages to fill!.

Don’t read too much into my musings
I promise, it isn’t your trust I’m abusing!.

Creative licence, isn’t that what it’s called?.
I use it to the max, especially when I’m bored!.

Take what I write, when a good pinch of salt
Don’t be offended, or let yourself be hurt.

I love all my readers, I wish them no ill
The last people on earth, I’d want to kill !.

How much better do I feel today!.

How much better do I feel today!,
Some of the angst, has now gone away.

So cathartic it is to unburden ones soul
Unleash the truth, bitter and cold.

I covered your back for as long as I could
You shrugged off my coat, I knew that you would.

I can play the martyr, be Joan of Arc
True to the cause, until that first spark!.

I can make you all pity, feel sorry for me
Like the bunny in a trap, you’re all clamouring to free.

I can feign disappointment, heartbreak and more
The more wretched I am, the higher I score!.

We all love an underdog , someone we can help
I’m so used to the role, I’ve started to yelp!.

I try not to come across as particularly bright
Don’t give a me a test though, this underdog can bite!!

My species amuse me, all jostling for position
Too busy to notice the life that they’re missing!.

I have no desire to be top of that pile,
The winning contestant whose forgotten her smile!.

I’m quite happy here, my feet on the ground
Watching the ants all scurry around.

My life is too short, too precious to waste,
But you carry on, so I can enjoy your mistakes!!.

Today I feel quite sad again.

Today I feel quite sad again.
It’s like meeting up with an old friend.

A friend I don’t like, but who I know well
When they’ll turn up, I never can tell!.

Yet again I find myself back in their grasp
Yet again wondering, how long will it last?.

After all of this time, I should be more prepared
Ready to do battle with the worst of my fears!.

Unfortunately though, that isn’t the case
How do I decide which demon to face?.

Will they be old ones I’ve previously encountered?.
Or new and unknown ones, as yet unsurmounted.

We have nothing in common, myself and this friend
Yet I know they’ll be with me, right up to the end.

Maybe it’s my fault, I seek them out
Watering the earth, after a drought.

Why don’t I just accept it, why do I try to resist?.
Why don’t I just close my eyes, simply cease to exist.

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee?
Let me name the ways.

I love you more each passing day
Of that there is no doubt.

I love the fact you are the one
I shall never be without.

I love your kindness and your strength
The way you pick me up.

I love you more for making sure
I never come unstuck.

I love the way you look at me
When you think me unaware.

I love that without a single word
You tell me that you care.

I love it that you put me first
Whilst you are left behind.

I love that I can rest assured
That you really don’t mind.

I love the fact you’re in my life
My soulmate none the less.

I love the sense of knowing
That for me I chose the best!