I started a diet today!.

I attempted to start a diet today
Climb on the wagon, sit on the hay.

I threw out the sweets, chocolate and cake,
Discarding those treasures, made my heart ache.

Next went the wine, straight down the plug
I was mightily tempted to take a quick slug!.

I jumped on the scales, to note down my weight
When I spied the result, I started to shake.

God help me, I thought, I can’t be that big
Do I weigh more than a prize winning pig?.

I must be big boned, I thought with relief
As big as a T Rex, including his teeth!.

Exercise said I , that’s what I need
A run round the park, past the big trees.

I pulled on my trainers, my track suit felt tight
If you saw me face on, I looked quite a sight!.

I slipped out the door, at a quarter past six
Then had to go back, I’d forgotten my cigs!.

I got to the park, at six twenty one
The experienced runners, had already begun.

They all looked like athletes, fat free and toned
I just couldn’t face it, so I went home!.

Later that day, I fancied a swim
I drove to the pool, but I didn’t go in.

I took one look at the bodies on show
Suntanned and lean, their faces aglow.

From where I was stood, I spied my reflection
It took me a while, to make the connection.

The rather large figure, I saw reflected
Resembled a species, that should have been protected!.

When I got home, I felt weak and tired
All of my willpower, had long since expired.

Stuff all this dieting, and life on the wagon
I could eat a whole donkey, followed by a dragon.

I could drink a river, filled with red wine
Then smoke 40 cigs, two at a time!.

I’m not cut out, for diets and such
I value the good things in life, far too much!.

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